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This month has been a tough one with Thanksgiving, trying to get the house in order and my son’s birthday.  I should be writing on here more because it always helps me and is my me time, but seems like the first thing I cut when I am overwhelmed.

My daughter finally called me and started up a relationship with me again.  I couldn’t have received a better Christmas present!  She did give me pretty gut wrenching news, she has started talking to her biological father.  I haven’t talked about him before but he was a horrible father.  For the short time we were married he didn’t have much to do with my daughter and then after we divorced he cut all contact.  We divorced before my daughter even started school and it wasn’t until she was in 5th grade he decided he wanted joint custody.  Instead of contacting me personally or hiring a lawyer he called the Dr. Phil show.  I am not one to go on national tv and do the whole drama thing.  Of course I turned it down.  Then no contact was made until she was in high school and his new wife contacted her.  Once my daughter asked her for back child support she deleted her facebook account and never heard from them again (until my daughter contacted him.)

I was always open and honest with her, but somehow he was able to convince her that I kept him away.  Which if you rationally think about it would have been impossible for me to do if he would have been interested in seeing her.  He rarely made a child support payment and is over $80,000 behind.  He convinced her that he has been paying and I just kept it from her.  I always planned on putting the child support money in a savings account and using it for her college, but the money never came.

I know I wasn’t the best mother, but I loved her more than anything on earth and I tried really hard.  I would be lying if I didn’t say it hurt that he could spend 18 years not caring and be treated better.  I can’t do anything about it because if I do it will just cause a wedge between my daughter and me again.  So of course I told her it was ok and that it was her choice.  I tried to defend myself till I realized it was pointless.  I told her that all I could do was be honest and give her my side of the story, but in the end she had to make her own mind up on what she wants to believe.

I just hope he doesn’t hurt her anymore than he already did.  The stories I have been told since we divorced really scare me and I pray she keeps him at a distance.

Knowing she is ok makes me happy and I will hold onto this holiday blessing.